Dealing with Daily Stress

How should a Stoic deal with stress? It’s common to feel frustrated by the frantic pace of everyday life: it often seems that there’s always too much to do, so many demands from so many people, and no one to support you. But we don’t want to go through life frazzled and at our wit’s end. What’s the best solution?

At Stoicare we recommend a variety of ways to deal with stress, including physical exercises such as breathing and getting out into nature as much as possible. But there are also ways you can prepare yourself psychologically. And in this area, Marcus Aurelius is extremely helpful.

Like many of us today, Marcus had a demanding daily schedule and frequently had to deal with people and events that he didn’t particularly enjoy. If you look at the topics he chooses to deal with in the Meditations, he is constantly reminding himself to look kindly on others and uncomplainingly fulfill his work duties. Despite his wealth, position, and power, he had many of the same struggles with the daily grind that we do.

Marcus turned to his Stoic principles to remember that while external events are beyond our control, our responses to external events are up to us. When we cultivate a different response to stressors, we can manage our stress more effectively. So let’s see what Marcus Aurelius says about using good judgment in dealing with problems.

Today I escaped the power of circumstance, or rather I cast all circumstance out; for it was not outside me, but within me, in my judgments. (9.13)

If you change your judgment that something bad is happening to you, you immediately decrease your stress level. Obviously that’s easier said than done. But according to the Stoics, things only appear bad to us if we hold the opinion that they are bad. If we remove our negative inner discourse (this is so terrible! why is this happening to me?!), we also remove the feeling of stress, pain, anger, or whatever is troubling us in that moment. Remember that what is truly important in life is within you (your character), and all the turmoil and turbulence of the world is outside of you.

All turns on judgment, and that rests with you. So when you will, pluck out the judgment, and then, as though you passed the headland, the sea is calm, and all is still, and there is not a wave in the bay. (12.22)

Marcus creates a beautiful mental image for us here. Envision yourself on a stormy sea near the coastline, surrounded by craggy cliffs and rocky waves. Now you round one of those cliffs and reach the peaceful, serene bay. The waves stop crashing, the noise dies down, even the gray mist evaporates into sunshine. You’re floating peacefully on calm water, about to embark at the harbor.

This image is a wonderful metaphor for dealing with stressful situations. By creating the right judgments within yourself, you can go from stormy seas to smooth sailing. The amazing thing is that your external circumstances don’t have to change; it’s just your internal environment that changes. Remind yourself to focus on what you can control (your judgments), and the storm tapers off and is replaced by calm.

What is your profession? To be a good person. (11.5)

This is the ultimate advice for putting things in perspective. Whatever you are doing right now that is causing such stress—running out the door to work, dealing with an angry colleague, or trying to get your 2-year-old to put his shoes on—it is not your first priority. Your first priority is always to be a good person. Everything else flows from that. Once you realize this, it’s much easier to be at peace with yourself as you go about your daily business. Even if you’re late for work, or even if your colleague reacts badly, you are still doing your own job (being a good person) properly.

Given the material that is granted to you, what is the soundest thing that can be done or said? For whatever it may be, it is in your power to do or say it, and you should not try to excuse yourself by saying that you are being prevented. (10.33)

No excuses! Maybe the material (i.e., external circumstances) you are working with isn’t great, but you can still make the best of what you have. Maybe your boss is being completely unreasonable, but you can still play your own role well. Maybe you have more on your to-do list than you can possibly get done, but you can still make a good-faith effort to approach it calmly and energetically. No one can stop you from doing your best and holding the proper judgment of the situation.

As always, we hope you find these Stoic suggestions helpful. We wish you well as you deal with the stresses of everyday life.